Well, of course it's legal. I'm 28. What you should be asking is, Is this safe?
Some background information. Mr. Magpie and I have lived together for two years. In that time I have learned to:
1. Go to sleep before dawn, even on the weekends.
2. Eat regular meals that are made of regular foods.
3. Stay the hell off of eBay.
He has been gone for two days, and I have already undone all of my good habits.
Let's start with the obvious. I'm a night owl, a night crawler, a vampire, whatever you want to call it. For the past two years, I've tried to convince myself that I "grew out of it" but it turns out, as soon as Mr. Magpie's not here to physically turn off my lamp and take away my books at 11pm, I am up reading until 4:30. And cooking things. And cleaning. And everything else that I suddenly have the energy to do in the MIDDLE OF THE FREAKING NIGHT.
The best part? I feel awesome. No, seriously. I got up and exercised at 9 AM. It's like my whole circadian rhythm has been reset to where it's meant to be.
Then there are the foods. In my single magpie life, I alternated between vodka/black coffee/jelly bean days and weeds-from-the-farmer's-market days. It was a good balance. Poison myself all weekend, detox with goat's milk yogurt and bok choy stir fries all week. No wonder I was skinny.
But then I moved in with a man who expected to eat things like "meat" and "cheese that's pasteurized" and "not bean sprouts." So I started cooking more regular people things, like chicken, and I started doing all of the grocery shopping at Trader Joe's instead of farm stands and Asian food markets that also, for obvious reasons, sell scrunchies and boba tea.
But I've got two weeks, baby. And I've already been to the East End Co-Op twice. Lentil and avocado salad without fried dead animal on the side? YES, please, and thank you.
Okay, then, eBay. That's really bad, I know. But I like unique things, and more importantly, I like having things delivered to my door. You already saw the lobster dress. Also:
|J Crew necklace, aka stolen creative property from some dude in Chinatown. For $15, I'm okay with that.|
|Vintage Frye boots won for $40.89. Ridiculous.|
So now what, does someone call social services? Am I doing this wrong? Should I be curled up with a bucket of macaroni and cheese, watching Meg Ryan movies, and going to bed at 8:30? Should I have gone to my mom's house for two weeks? I don't know how this works, but I'm a little bit giddy with my newfound retro lifestyle. It's probably the four hours of sleep talking.